A Sorceress in All that Remains

It's true I likely focus too much on feeling put through the wringer,
without realizing that I competed. I tried hard and for so long.
I wielded the weapons of war,
tasted and knew both sweet love and the bitterness and again sweet.
I fought and fought and loved and loved.

You don't want to believe it will not be quite enough.
Love conquers all, they say.
Love finds a way.
But it's not true, you see?

It's not that I'm tainted or sullied beyond repair,
it's just that I see love all the more clearly.
There are many ways to use love. This love we speak of.
Use it well, use it poorly. Abuse it, lose it.
Take it for fucking granted.

Sometimes love conquers just you,
it shows you the foolishness in believing it's all there was.
It's a fire, it's a flame.
It can rage and roar and burn so quickly out of control.
I felt it, the good and pain and the burns that remain.
To have held such a thing, for even a time.

Mostly I just feel like an untamed sorceress, newer to magic.
Learning the dark and most pure of magics.
Conjured it up and watched as it grew and grew and grew,
never felt concern about it's sustainability.
Oh to watch it grow, to cultivate it
and have someone there with you aiming for it to thrive.

We tried, we tried. My lord, did we try.
But the love magic doesn't care.
It cackles and revels in joy
as it watches you burn alive, toil and turmoil all the same.
It doesn't care that you care. That you tried.

The death of love is an odd thing to feel, to know.
With each memory of joy and happiness,
you feel it drain from you, taken from your very heart and hide.
I think the depiction in Eternal Sunshine is so fitting and fair,
it's true that even as the anger and sadness runs through,
you can't help but feel grateful and want to hold the goodness so near.
The complexity of it all is that it all coexists,
it hurts so because it was so good for so long.

So grieving, you see, it almost feels like a process of honoring,
what you had, what you are, what you hope to one day be.
You memorialize that person and that time and love,
and try not to lose perspective as it burns through the core of you.
It was pain, but it was joy and it was love,
one day, I hope that's all that remains.