Those depressive goblin nightmare boys I treasure so
How is it possible you taught me so much?
About myself and life and the lies we tell.
In loving you I've learned to better love and like myself.
My dear, my love.
High tops coming my way, red and space-themed.
"use emotionality as a radical tactic against a society
which teaches you that emotions are a sign of weakness"
Riding the waves and seeking to re-establish my own waves.
Hairy waves are hairy.
I'm not quite the manic pixie I thought I'd be
and thank goodness for that.
I am me.
la gloriosa donna della mia mente: the glorious lady of my mind.
One to myself, I'm learning who she is.
This glorious lady of my mind, my heart, myself.
To learn what it means to live life for me, just me.
Around me, in me, within me.
And I came to this, in part, with the loving kindness
of a depressive goblin nightmare boy.
Ah, the horraaa. Thank you, horror
and terror and maybe even, India.
You liked me until I no longer fit the mold,
until I'd spiraled and left you to yourself.
Thank you and thank her,
for the lessons I never wanted to absorb.
The teachers and lessons that splintered me
into oblivion and back to reality.
I came back, I found my way through
with and then without you.
The steadfast variable here, I'm so glad
is me.
This woman I love more and more every day.
Once you see it, it's nearly impossible to look away.
Can't take my eyes off you, impossible, implausible,
wonderful you.
February has been a time of love, sure
but also of loss, of heartbreak.
Of displeasing developments
and distance to and from addictions.
Realizing that in sleeping and shopping
I seek rebellion and freedom.
That new habits come hard,
weave to and fro.
Teaching myself the art of crochet
and vision boardin'.
Of pho and cupcakes and ube coconut bars.
Things that inspire me lately...
Lizzo and Jungle and Lion Babe and Le Butcherettes.
Unloveable and Umbrella Academy.
* * * *
Chicago love everywhere. Here and here and here.
"We're not fantasies, and we weren't made to save you." So Laurie Penny tells men on behalf of her fellow recovering Manic Pixie Dream Girls, those who unlike Beatrice or Bettina will live to become so much more interesting as they age and deepen. Becoming more interesting, however, will mean becoming less of the "submissive, exploitable, transcendent ideal" about whom so many young men fantasize.
