At 10:59, but not 11

Capable am I. Of bravery. Of courage. Of admitting flaw while acknowledging strength.
The strength to know I am heavy. So heavy in your arms. This love and these concrete feet are my own.

MY own. To have and to hold. Forever and ever.
Because life will flow on and on, with or without me AND I choose life.

I've begun a breakdown....of everything that ever scared me, challenged me, and taught me. About ME.
About what it means to know peace. To know trust in myself. 

To know that I will forever be marked by all that is you. YOU. Beautiful, you.
To know that lying by your side is such a heavenly way to lie.

---

SESSION 1

Recognition: I am invisible here. I am infuriated here. Ready to scream all manner of hurt and confusion. Here. Here. For years and years upon years. Avoiding confrontation is futile. This is my life. My maker. My undertaking. It's not my home, it's their home and I'm welcome no more. 

Takes me and breaks me as it wakes me. 

Wakes me.

wakes. me.

But not until after 11. 

Cause that's my new rule. 

The Month of _ _ _

It happened today.

Acknowledgement. 

That of loss. Of how the time is never the time you wish it to be. 

Steals the air from my lungs.

Squares me toe-to-toe with all these demons. 

This long road demands all I could hope to give. 

It is neither punishment, nor joy. Not peace or chaos. 

I am real.

This is even more real.

Will it ever be as it always has been. 

Hopeful, yet not expectant. Surprise. So much is ever a surprise. 

The lesson is in the leaving, they'd say. They are they are me. 

With me always are you. Shall you ever be. Be. BE. 

Here. 

There. 

Everywhere. 

Every day.

Every way.

Every May.

Be as it may. On to May.

...