AmurICA

Realization. Revelation? Truth? Delusion? CRUSH. Just another. Over and over AND over again. Definitely. This excitement and unknowing bliss is as real now as it was the past zillion instances. OH....and he has real nice glasses. Time for me. Time for you. The REAL delusion is time. Surely it is not WHAT you do but HOW you do it. Potentially...but alas my character is frayed and frazzled and in-transit. Critical of the transformation, unsure of the destination. I hope for flowers and stability and rivets AND maybe even a working bath plug (i.e. the most sound 2 dollar investment in months. MONTHS.)

Letters! I owe oh-so-many of you letters. Quality correspondence laced with lyrical laments of love and longing. Vicariously shall I experience far away places through you and you and YOU. Thank you much. And now I must go to the west coast. No choice. Here I come, pen pal (H)! Eh...give it a stint of necessary savings and smarts.

Urgh...my bedroom walls are SO white. White like my skin....not paint chips. And really the wall is blue. Call it white guilt, I figure it as a lack of variation. Boredom. Uncomfortable comfort. Multi cultures in an unappreciative locale. Challenge, change....blame? How did the alleged racial hierarchy come to fruition? Strange....from this vantage point...black IS beautiful. The pigment is most enviable and it breaks my heart to consider bleach a beauty routine. Why OH why? You ARE beautiful or didn't you know? Very strange, indeed. I speak my truth. Thee very truth.

The derby? Mostly inspirational. Desire skating without tail bruises or wall hugging. AMazing.

And YOU, sir...your phobias and anxieties are nothing close to my business. BUT....get out...challenge and break the cage. Why? Cause exploration and bonds are the stuff of a spicy-like life. REAL bonds. The kind that alter the composition of the soul and shatter expectations of what it means to be alive. HA...mirrors likely necessary when writing of such things. And K, enjoy the carefully crafted linguistic missteps and explosions. For you. For me. For oblivion. Now and ever.

Adult Things. Fierce Fires.

Oooo....I want chu. Ya know, I want(ed) you so BAD. The resistance and confusing scenarios and glances keep the wanting ever present. Here I am. There you’ll be. Ever AND ever. Oh….of these Indie moments and scars and memories. Maintain the coffee pot as I maintain these unrealistically challenging traits that aren’t at all. The times are a changin’….and you and me with it. Let go, Alex. Let go. Recall the necessary happy and lucky instances via daguerreotypes and non-corrupted cerebral cells [Buddha willing].

And YOU. Guess what? Tentatively, I will miss you terribly. Moving out and away….away AND out. You are ALL moving, shifting, altering the fabrics of this reality that for a stint seemed somehow unchangeable. Progress. All must and should progress, change, derange. THIS right NOW…cannot exist without you. Ok. It’s gonna be ok. Because I am a cultivator of dreams, a viewer of kitchen football…a lover of me in this time and place. FIRE. And they deployed this fire. Inside, outside…somewhere else? The desired sweat. Like a creep I imagine the possibilities. Naive. Yes, I remain so very naive, so incredibly hopeful, and entirely unsure of future aspirations and for that….I am alive. Well…in love with this life and the next.

My plant.....is dead. Sadness emerges. FAIL. Ok. Ok. OK. ;D

Miles

Nag champa. Nag champa. You burn so good. The scent…relaxing. The attitude….clear and concise. The focus….much improved, at least theoretically. In conjunction with this dress, those tunes, and that refreshing salad I find myself desiring all the possibilities I knew the future could hold. DOES hold. Always and always, on and on. Steady. On and on. Chooooo choooo. AW yeah…..laid back. Money and minds wandering, but present. HA, it’s not what you think. I KNOW you are thinking you know of my present condition, but alas….the experience of new experiences is far too reaching to limit myself in such potentially constricting ways. And of MY reality? Amazing. Growing, growing…gone. The non-tangible resume skills continue to bud and flourish as if a mind of their own. Be my friend. Others are. And me? I am LAID back. Truly. As observed, stated, catalogued. Exploring the roots of needed confidence boosters proves useful, trying, and just what the soul doctors prescribed.

Oh, the travelin’ [sans], the singin’ [semi-sans…..karaoke challenge. CHECK], don’t mean nothing…..without you? AH, but tis the risk [???] I must take, darlin’. Entirely. Definitely. Unavoidable. Necessary. For you, for me, for this leaf of turning. Not to forget….I am to discover my relation to alone and all that alone could and should be. Commencing those many months ago when I thought I knew what I couldn’t have know. And NOW? I want you. All of you. Each of you. To teach me, to praise me, to love me, to challenge all that I know or could hope to gather……and to be here with me now. Demand little. Take much. Grow and build the force. Ch-ch-ch-Changes. <3

Not much is new. And that…..that is ok with me. Coffee beans away.

PICTURE: amazing new discovery, Lee Price.