I was a Dancer ALL Along

Stuck? Perhaps I AM stuck in this cycle of my own design. BUT I stand not alone…oh no, there is a coauthor…many, in fact. Difficult to trace the origins of this frantic sensation of neuroticism and confusion. Try and try and try again. Played out. “You don’t want me the way I want you. Can I get me some satisfaction? It’s all I’m asking of you.” THE seemingly simplistic list of grievances makes resolution of sorts appear more in grasp than realistically plausible. Bro-bro-BROken…. Is it wrong to hope for acceptance? A type of acceptance or whatever it may be. Is THAT not realistic? Turns out I needed a dose of my own medicine to fully realize the potential damage incurred. And for THAT I feel no remorse, no regret, no shame. I am angry and upset for my past criticisms. AJM, forgive me. Forever shall I love thee. No matter the outcome, I have grown and continue to do so. Vinny Vinny Vici….? Still, the current interaction isn’t quite on. Rather it invokes experiences of sadness and also detachment….kinda a cool-ish new experience of sadness, actually. I also feel a bit incompetent and uneasy and less than amazing. AND for what? This is the new leaf meant for growth and exploration and realization and greatness. Exactly. My truth? I AM some type of wonderful, criticisms aside. My faults are present. I am, after all, imperfect and delicately precious…like a flower. OH, and strong. I’ve been told I’m so very strong. Strong enough to be REAL about my capacities, limitations, and strengths. BUT I exist alone…with or without you and your cents of two. I refuse to acknowledge anyone as the ultimate authority….actually they aren’t my fancy in the least bit. And you are also lovely, potentially not my jar of tea. Not in this place and certainly not in this time. And that, sugar…is the block you detect…the shield at work. The resistance to pending routine and boxed limitations. Treat it as an attack I do. Embracing this certainty…now. I must. I will. This time is mine to have and to hold. And the BEST part? My friends. Hands down. AMazing. Incredible. Thank you all. ALL.

The Direction is in Our Connection

Alone. I must go it alone. The crystal was never quite so clear. And still, I remain relatively calm, collected…corrected? Alone. The ever-revered existence of solitude. Ever-feared, more accurately. Brilliant. And for once….I mean it, crave it, feel it. NEED it. Indeed. Not to imply guest appearances are entirely outlawed…just not planned or fully necessary. Peace and comfort do I discover….a little bit. And PROUD. Young and proud. Loud and proud. The brain spoke AND was heard load and clear. What a welcome departure. What a necessary transformation. Oh, I will transform you. This life. This love. The very existence that is me. ME. The only life I can hope for. Now. Time to dance. Dance Dance DANCE.....ahhhhh, yes. xoox (Many thanks to all of you who continue to support me in what I do and hope to do. You are my life, my love....my everything. Without you the days would melt into years. My friends, you never cease to amaze me. And to my family: you save me, more than you know. Thank you. Honestly. Completely. Thank you. To many more years of greatness and wonderment).

Miami 19

My tangible vices are expanding rapidly. French fries, tights….touch, experience, knowledge, tea…this fella. I find myself to be strangely optimistic and alarmingly calm. Explaining how this came to fruition would likely prove difficult and also useless. The contents of the bookstore can’t even fully explain this experience. Sitting in the parking lot I observe movie goers trickle out and away. There remains a couple perched upon a blue sporty ride. Their interaction….new, their connection….obvious. Where agitation and frustration may have once manifested, I find comfort and appreciation of sorts. Incredibly strange how the tides toss and turn. It’s not even that it all makes that much more sense….just a long-lost unfamiliar pleasantry, really. While rollin’ in the deepest of dark places certainly yields benefits, I revel in the joys of the current counter-balance. The distance….a bit numbing. The benefits….not entirely conceivable. Like like liking this. Lots. Likewise pumped (Ninja boner style) for new job-like developments. Barristaville, here I come. Commence travels….going….going…to where you are and to where I desire to be.

More of Beds and Coffee Beans

The iconography will be simple, direct AND charming. The impact? Unknown. And also unimportant in the end. My friend….my friend. Simplicity…truly a beautiful and necessary alteration of perspective. These simplistic desires of yesterday have become intermingled with new found joys of today. NOW. More than the concerns of women and the like….NOW is me, now is you, now is….the inspirational key. Progress. I AM progress. Slow and steady, like a river to Pocahontas. I can see it, no matter the criticisms I construct and dish out like ravioli. Take the long road and walk it. Let’s walk together, shall we? And then there was you. A challenge, a revelation, a change, a type of salvation…a new honestly pure happenstance. Glorious. All of this AND that. Happy….so very happy…and happening [now]. Feeling very French-esk in my culinary appreciation and subsequent consumption. The endorphin release introduces an unparalleled freedom….a high to chase? Not always to the extreme reaches, though I aim to locate a middle place that calls for less chocolat [JD interjection…imagine, imagine….you are welcome]. Later. Definitely. This combination of dark coco and almonds is melting my brain and fortifying my soul with all matter of goodness. Sleep, sleep….ahhh, sleep. xoxo Inspiration found: "In the end, the steps that matter are the ones you take yourself."