....Even if they weren't so great.

If this isn't warfare, I don't know what is. Attack, retreat, attack, remorse. Terrible, horrible, AWful. Sugar-coating is overrated. This is life. Real and utter grief. Not to fear, it makes complete sense. Through this bleeding, we are freed of the attachments that bind. That's the idea. I don't believe violence is the answer. This isn't the traditional conceptions conjured by V-day. Emotional. I get so emotional, baybey. I refuse, refuse....absolutely refuse to ascribe value. It is nothing more or less than it is. Right and wrong are absent. The undertaking is mostly classy with just a dash of unrestrained expression. There are no worthwhile answers, it's all chaos and bullshit. I'm not lying. Talking and consciousness are useless. Silence is golden...if only there was another way. Why must I be the path less traveled? The answer is evident, alarming...hysterical. If the contraption has a top, I am nearly there...and then nothing. The pot has boiled over, but is left with all the more water. The pot understands the bigger picture but for now lives in this moment. WHY would the canine be transferred? Are you insane? I'm nowhere close to being that much of a sadist.

Ah....the middle of nowhere.....my desired locale. WOW, he is one beautiful boy. I do love them. I blame the odles of curls. So many wonderful memories. I think I get it, though acknowledgment is tough. How can you release the possibility of connection? Real, raw connection. Que sera, sera. Just because the future isn't ours doesn't mean curiosity won't kill a few cats. I promise to try to be better. I wish I could fall into you like a pile of softness...only in another life. Someday. Sure. Someday might be never. Too bad, the potential gives me shivers. SO many shivers and yet there is always a lingering....something. He said you couldn't see the truth of perfection. Maybe. Too much I am....to most.

OH, simplicity. Where are you? I need you. I demand your presence. In all honesty, I can't live without a change. When I attest to craziness, I intend it as is. This isn't a conscious attempt. I couldn't tell you exactly how it unfolded. Hell....you're freaked? Try walking in my brain. And yet, I've been told I'm strong and level-headed. This makes me scared for the truth others harbor. My freak flag is full mast....what of you and yours?

This therapy is nothing like I've experienced quite before. I've never been musical but in this moment I wish I was. Not just vocals...which I know a bit of, but composition and compilations and layers and inspiration. I would write of subversion and challenges. Time to paint a lifescape.

The game is in the waiting. I have patience. You prefer rushing into the unknown. Fitting...and mostly fitting. Frankly, it is a bit unflattering. Thank you. The line is clear. To ME. Never, ever to you. TRUST. What of it? The definition is blurred and wrenching. You have naked pictures. She's definitely not me. Why keep them? Who are you? I know nothing of you and this deception. Typical. I should have known. The faith is melting, eroding, disappearing. This, I refuse. I must. This CAN't be it. The proximity is obscuring the possibilities. The oh-so-many joyous possibilities, I love them and the confusion they bring with a fiery passion. I likewise reject overarching associations with that which I once found to be untainted. Love I do the sisters of scissors and hues of reds, oranges, and magenta. I'm taking it back. All of it. YOU deserve NONE of it because YOU don't even see me or care to try. I drove you home. Fuck you very much. Again. Excuse yourself.

Don't get me wrong. I will wait. I will workout my mind, body, and soul. I will write and cook and learn of new and promising topics. I will get a little out of the lines. I will live. ANnnnDD.....I will love you. Missing you is the most of my worries. Being cut away from this place is the best, minus a few select eating locations and musical stages. Don't forget me DKB. I will never forget you. xoxo