Wen

What was once unclear is now becoming clear...at least, ever so slightly. Despite feelings of being overworked and underpaid, an end and a beginning are near. A newly discovered goal alleviates otherwise tensing situations that have potential for rage and jealously and hurt....though NOT quite. Why? There was too little enhancement (I'm told the key to success) and far too much resentment and contempt...sure, there were plenty of horses. No matter what happens within the confines of pending experiences, there is no regret...only growth and feelings of desire and appreciation. The truth is, I am lucky to have you as a friend.

Boring, boring...yes, seems that is what I've become. So much for being good on paper. SEX. Attention sufficently captured?

AH, I wish to have been born with red hair....wonderful, amazing red. Suppose I wasn't intended for such things. Strange to think of it being grounds for punishment and discrimination. Related, I am a walking cliche, hypocrite, and moron for thinking otherwise. Purple. I want to run and stretch and push my body to it's limits. Busting free of these self-imposed constraints is a common thought. Progress? I feel so....yes. Also, dancing is necessary...to showcase the baffoon that I am. Not a confidence concern, more a reality...and I'm pumped about it. I want to dance with YOU. Who knew! [NO sic] Put on your red shoes and dance my blues.

Turns out, I AM a bit dark, too. ARE YOU DARK ENOUGH TO SEE MY light? Many thanks to Senor Rice...you sick, Scottish bastard. <3 I am a dark and twisted tunnel....of love. HAha...twisted...twisted....always.

NO, I haven't forgotten about YOU. I realize now that I love you all the more and it's scary and frustrating and fantastic, of course. The thing is, you already know this. You love the snow and I'll be lovin' you forever. I also hate to say I'm in desperate need of a distraction from all that you are, were, and will be. Perhaps in the form of an intensely enviable hobby. Fuck dudes tonight, I wanna dance. OH, I did. And hit in 4 pool balls in a row. Ah, success. You'd be proud.

And to all of you lovely other people who help me power through my every day with eyes and hearts wide open...I love you more than you may ever know. For your kindness, care, and love...I can't thank you enough. You challenge and change me, you keep me whole. xoxo
YeS, that's right.....whole. Why? Because I , Alejandra, form a complete (even in fragmented) whole. Not a half. An entire and wonderfully disasterous whole. Damn, that feels great. Traditional conceptions of togetherness always leave me with more questions than answers. Fairy tales are lovely, but I have seen the reality time and again. Potentially a rotation would solve such issues. Potentially I'm all talk and know nothing of anything or everything.

Calm down, you say? If you know the way, please guide me and I shall follow. I wish for it and yet, wouldn't change a thing.....because my intensity and passion could launch ships and inspire change. In a life? A heart? The world? Certainly. I've been told I deserve a pedestal, but I promise you I don't even demand that. More on this later...though hopefully not much later. I'm frightened for the reults of a span without touch...FML. I just want to have a bit of good 'ole, safe fun. Freak? No. Human? Definitely. Suffer I must, stronger will I be.

I am, Am, AM the master of my fate, the captain of my soul. Time to set sail.