The Nature of THIS Beast

When trapped in the rain, maps proved futile. The windows were fogged beyond functionality. My pulse...booming. Breathing through the frantic blur, I pulled over and shifted into park. How can I do this? ME. Initially I called for assistance but concluded I COULD and would AND should do this. Just me. Cause at the end of this day and the next, that is my status quo....my salvation, my best friend. Despite that reality, these friends and this family of mine are something else that I couldn't do without. Such dependencies are frightening, but I acknowledge them wholeheartedly knowing they are the very connections that compel me to challenge this [temporarily?] stagnant existence. "I'm gonna apply to grad school for you....is that ok?" Definitely. HAaaa.....appreciate you, all of YOU. Shame I'm not reimbursed for every "You need to be in Chicago" or "You need to get the fuck out of that town," cause I'd have accumulated more than a few shekels. Aye.....I know, I know....trust me, this I know. Trapped am I in a confidence-lacking bubble of my own making. Oh and the time is coming, for certain. This fire will not be contained much longer. Fuel accepted.

Pushy readers appreciated, mostly. Encouragement and demands necessary. It is for me that I write and for you that I share these views and poetics and fears. Consciousness-raising shrinks the otherwise consuming world into a manageable beast. One-by-one I catalog these experiences and educational encounters. This is the path desired and needed, but unfortunately....also one that I've deviated from far too many times. The only way to learn.....doing, doing, done AND done. Brilliant? Sure. I have been, can be, will continue to aim for. And you? Something to discover. Or even something to detest. To question. To embrace. The gas be strong and the trek be long, as always. The difference? I will travel at a steadfast pace without expectation or hatreds of me, myself OR I. And why? Because windy cities or not, I will be as I am. Changing and questioning and aiming for the best of whatever I can be. There are no maps for this route so don't try to make one out of nothing. I hope to see you at the unforeseen destination, smiling and with open arms, crash pads and books. Be you as you are. Because I'll see your true colors and you'll see whatever you need to see of me. See it all. Off I roam....to a place where love is something like breathing.