Some Zombie

I know how to put on a smile,
how to be cordial and kind.
How to limit my words and expressions,
limit eye contact and interaction.

I've done this before
cut off contact.
Analyzed toxicity in its tracks.
Protected myself from others.

Dead and gone
to me and the world I knew.
Bury me with it,
don't dig it all up.

Lest I become some zombie,
a ghost of rotten memories.
A creature of Mr. Frankenstein.
I need not be resurrected.

Letting it go,
letting it be.
Looks different for you
than for me.

It's odd to be torn between worlds.
Wishing for contact and separation, all at once.
Evaluating most honestly,
what should and must never be.

I pray for the strength and focus
to harness this reflection when the time comes.
To see right through that past, those discarded memories.
Those people we thought we knew.

So many instances have taught me of grief and goodbyes.
You were different, challenged me to exercise new muscles.
Now I'm mostly on the other side, another for the resume.
You taught me what you taught me.

Let it rest, let it die.
Death isn't the worst thing to happen, after all.
There is closure and peace and after some time, relief.
RIP to you, RIP to me.

Life goes on, the poison no longer leaves me so weak.
Where there once was only despair, there is strength
and dreams of future odysseys.
Without you, without that version of me.

So bury me. With red lipstick and a cup of black coffee.
Among wildflowers, hair in a bouffant.
That girl you once knew and loved so deep.
She is gone, now dead to me.