I was a Dancer ALL Along

Stuck? Perhaps I AM stuck in this cycle of my own design. BUT I stand not alone…oh no, there is a coauthor…many, in fact. Difficult to trace the origins of this frantic sensation of neuroticism and confusion. Try and try and try again. Played out. “You don’t want me the way I want you. Can I get me some satisfaction? It’s all I’m asking of you.” THE seemingly simplistic list of grievances makes resolution of sorts appear more in grasp than realistically plausible. Bro-bro-BROken…. Is it wrong to hope for acceptance? A type of acceptance or whatever it may be. Is THAT not realistic? Turns out I needed a dose of my own medicine to fully realize the potential damage incurred. And for THAT I feel no remorse, no regret, no shame. I am angry and upset for my past criticisms. AJM, forgive me. Forever shall I love thee. No matter the outcome, I have grown and continue to do so. Vinny Vinny Vici….? Still, the current interaction isn’t quite on. Rather it invokes experiences of sadness and also detachment….kinda a cool-ish new experience of sadness, actually. I also feel a bit incompetent and uneasy and less than amazing. AND for what? This is the new leaf meant for growth and exploration and realization and greatness. Exactly. My truth? I AM some type of wonderful, criticisms aside. My faults are present. I am, after all, imperfect and delicately precious…like a flower. OH, and strong. I’ve been told I’m so very strong. Strong enough to be REAL about my capacities, limitations, and strengths. BUT I exist alone…with or without you and your cents of two. I refuse to acknowledge anyone as the ultimate authority….actually they aren’t my fancy in the least bit. And you are also lovely, potentially not my jar of tea. Not in this place and certainly not in this time. And that, sugar…is the block you detect…the shield at work. The resistance to pending routine and boxed limitations. Treat it as an attack I do. Embracing this certainty…now. I must. I will. This time is mine to have and to hold. And the BEST part? My friends. Hands down. AMazing. Incredible. Thank you all. ALL.