Different. Always do I declare claims of an experienced difference. In feelings. In mindset. In disclosure. Yet again I find different to be infinitely linked with preferable and awakening. It can be said that the only surefire promises in this life or the next are death and change. From this juncture I'd steadily accept both. AND also life. Oh so much for embracing and snuggling. Impossible to foresee attached comforts and unintended satisfactions. Apparently I can get some. From the simplest of beautifully bonding means. Kind of unreal, really. I can't be THAT fantastic, can I? Can I? Be it true that those you surround yourself with are a reflection of what lies within or out? If so, then I must be not only noteworthy, but also deep, intelligent, and kinda silly. Accurate self-concept seems a taxing feat, riddled with doubt and misinformation. Me: my toughest of critics, I gather. Me: in a full-on battle of confidence and assurance.
"I see you as a strong woman," he responded. Then there was the strength I never knew I had. To hug myself in the midst of fears and tears [REjoice in the recurrence of happy tears. HAPPY for happy mist]. To embrace solitary existence [while being ready to rock provided desirable conditions.....now, maybe?] Is it, likewise, my weakness? The flood gates typically close up just as quickly as they release BUT the current conundrum is brilliant. Fucking brilliant. Do it up real!!!
I am as I am, hopelessly flawed and struggling to grasp implications of past trauma drama. I am one with the damned, it seems. With skulls on my shoes and a bone in my nose....bells on my toes. AND also gorgeous, stated and internalized. Thank you for everything wonderful known to me and you. Brain explosions and screams of joyful rage. This is my journey. And I love it.
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