Of Snakes and Charms

Torture. Sweet and utter torture. This time it didn't come alone....oh no, but instead drug along flattery and excitement and joy. Isn't that much of what anyone needs? To feel wanted and desired and amazing? I could claim it as disrespect and betrayal, but the word selection isn't quite on. Even so, I care not to think of it because my face has been blue enough. Fuck you very much. I have the journey of discovery to keep me warm. The one you claim to be on, but are afraid to start. You know what I'm realizing? They were right. Your treatment was AND has been much less than it should have been. Despite my shortcomings, I might just be something extraordinary. Something full of challenge, love, and growth. Not for you, though. I promise. I KNOW, the round peg isn't intended for the square hole, but I am an optimist and will likely remain the same fool on the hill until the day I die. That's what I bring to the table that is life. And from you? I've been made to feel ashamed and apologetic. Never again with you. My problem? Inexperience. Naivety. Trusting that promises were meant to be kept. They aren't, are they? Life is far too unpredictable.

Cynic and lover. Perhaps the pain really is the gain. Take care of myself. Priority. For real. Accidental babies (d. rice). Stupidity. Love. Needed? A kind word. I'm a sucker for them. OR a plethora of things. Who knows what they want? Likely not me. These are the times of change. Ch-ch-CHANGES.

I am a goddess and a charmer of snakes. The taste of this freedom and exploration may just be my temporary salvation. Along you you and you and YOU. You who reattaches tires and you who would never get me or understand fully what I am or can be. I might just love everything. And Toni, I love you. I miss you and didn't even know you. The fight isn't over and I shall remember you all my life and throughout each of the pending battles. It could have been me or anyone. A crime of opportunity? Bullshit. It was femicide.

PArty....like it's 1999? Of course. These gatherings provided the calm before the storm. So it seems I make a beautiful Rosie....Betty...Lucy? HA. I never was talented with history either. Hard not to think of the next year for such festivities. I feel a girl scout/Wonder Woman/Ducky/Peter Pan combination would suite the intended purposes. I am the train you never saw coming, minus the getting run over. Back on TRACK, GUYS (accurate usage), you save me....again and again. You likely don't even know because your regards for me are up, up and away. Some of you might see me or engage in a round of billiards or comfort my existence with little bits of song, dance, and laughs. Like, I said....I love everything and you all are certainly no exception. The best place for guys? JJC, hands down. HAHA...yeah, there might be something in the water. xoxo

The most I can hope for is to engage you and inspire you and convey my affinity of the arts and humanity and you in it. I do this for me but also for you. It is a part of the contribution. And if I fail? Then it is a process and a tool for remembering me if I perish or go another direction. For now, let me say I love you.....

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